The Last Elephant in the Room

 Bye Bye   “The iron chain and the silken cord are equally bonds.” Johann Cristoph Friedrich Von Schiller   This is the last blog in the series of five about the Elephants in the Room. I thought the story was apropos to make a point. Whether your chains are emotional, physical or spiritual, the message is the same, but since I deal with sexuality and sexual pleasure and sexual fears, I thought this really was the great ending to my series! A friend of mine tells a story about baby elephants. In countries where elephants are used as working animals, they must be trained when they are very young and not yet too powerful. The first thing a trainer does is fasten a heavy manacle and chain to the baby elephant’s leg, securing the other end of the chain to a metal stake driven deep into the ground. When the elephant tries to walk freely about, it cannot move any further than the end of the chain. Although the animal may try repeatedly to escape, it is held in check by the unyielding restraint. After a period of time, the baby elephant stops testing the strength of the chain. It […]

Do We Under Estimate Ourselves Sexually?

   Do We Under Estimate Ourselves Sexually?   What does that mean to you? My interpretation is “I CAN’T DO IT!” or “THIS I WON’T DO!” “THAT’S NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN!” These, my Darlings, are the 3 elephants in this article. I never put a value on myself as a person, my time, my ability to love, my mind, and my climaxes. You pick yours. What is your net worth, (not money)? Whether you are a man or woman it doesn’t matter.  For those of us that think we are not good enough; pretty, tall, penis or bigger Tata’s. Now the bigger bum is in. What’s next? It goes on and on.  It never stops IF we allow it to continue. Whether it’s Sex or Sexual pleasure, these Elephants live in our brain. I found out they lie to us.  My responsibility is not to believe the lies. Sexual pleasure or sexual denial: You choose. Do you think our expectations of our partner interfere with our sexual pleasure? Are you hard on yourself?  Or do we judge ourselves too harshly? Or them? Think about that for a minute. We expect people in our lives to do certain things the way […]

PIN THE TAIL ON THE ELEPHANT

  OK, let see how big your elephant is.     I’ll make this multiple choice, it’s easier.   Grade your Marriage/Relationships: A B C D F   Do you like sex with your partner? o  YES o  NO Does your partner like having sex with you? o  YES o  NO Who would you change in the relationship? o  HIM o  HER What is the #1 thing you would change!  RIGHT NOW If you had enough money to leave, would you? o  YES o  NO Is there lying in this relationship? o  YES o  NO Do you fight over religion? o  YES o  NO Who fights to be right? o  HIM o  HER Who is always afraid of something? o  HIM o  HER Are you socially equals? o  YES o  NO Are emotionally equals? o  YES o  NO Are you adventurous in bed? o  YES o  NO Do you laugh with each other? o  YES o  NO BIG questions: Are you willing to try something different? Start talking about what you like? Asking what they would like? Try a sexual toy? Fear is the tail on the Elephant so think about this; Change can be scary, but what is the fear […]

Should I Stay or Should I go?

Great question. However nobody can really answer this inquiry for you, and it’s a tough one especially if there’s violence.  I’m always surprised what we as women put up with and what we have gone through most of all, how we justify unacceptable behavior. Especially with sex concerns. For what reasons we do what we do. Well I can only tell you my experience and what other women have dared to share their secrets.  I had in my mind that I could never be anything without a man! I was raised to know this to my core. The men whom I chose in my life pretty much felt the same way.  One even told me that. Life has a way of teaching us or not; either we learned or we repeat! It took me a long time to learn because I repeated it several times. The main reason I stayed was for the children. Yep, I put up with all kinds of yuckyness because the children needed a good steady home with a mommy and a daddy. That’s what all the people tell us. THEY (who in the hell they are I don’t know) blame us for  all of our […]

RED FLAGS

      Have you ever seen a bull fight?  I relate this sport to the RED FLAGS in our lives. A “Torero” and the bull are the participates in the ring.  The “Matador de Toro” waves the red cape as he makes the final kill. What’s a Red Flag? It’s a feeling in your gut that something isn’t right.  Our feelings are like the Torero, who makes little jabs that fire up the bull, resembling something in us that says, “back away, and run.”  But we don’t!  We do not listen to our instincts.  We make excuses for their behavior.  This includes our husbands, kids, parents, co-workers and siblings.   After a bit of time, the Matador comes in for the kill.  We are the prey.  That killing thrust of the blade means to me divorce, broken friendships and failed relationships.  Listen to that small voice telling you not to go, not to trust, or act etc., etc.! Gavin de Becker wrote in The Gift of Fear,   “we are the only animals on the planet who do not listen/or pay attention to our instincts. Our instincts scream (the red cape) that something is wrong and run, run as fast as you can.”   When we […]