However nobody can really answer this inquiry for you, and it’s a tough one especially if there’s violence. I’m always surprised what we as women put up with and what we have gone through most of all, how we justify unacceptable behavior. Especially with sex concerns.
For what reasons we do what we do. Well I can only tell you my experience and what other women have dared to share their secrets. I had in my mind that I could never be anything without a man! I was raised to know this to my core. The men whom I chose in my life pretty much felt the same way. One even told me that.
Life has a way of teaching us or not; either we learned or we repeat! It took me a long time to learn because I repeated it several times.
The main reason I stayed was for the children. Yep, I put up with all kinds of yuckyness because the children needed a good steady home with a mommy and a daddy. That’s what all the people tell us. THEY (who in the hell they are I don’t know) blame us for all of our world today. Because women work and the divorce rate is high, and on and on. Well, I think that’s a bunch of bullshit, and I proved this theory wrong in my own life, and many others showed me it wasn’t true. It is another lie I bought.
I would’ve have never left my husbands; yes I’ve had several.
But each time I left because I had a dragon breathing down my ass, and it was either they get out or get burnt to a crisp.
Elephants have the longest gestation period of all mammals, carrying their young for nearly two years before giving birth. This is what we do with unresolved issues. They slowly grow, and before we know it we have a baby elephant, then we turn around and say”How did all this shit get here?”
So here a few examples WHY WE STAY:
- The reason to stay is for the children.
- I can’t make it on my own.
- Nobody will ever want me.
- I have no money.
- I’m too old to start over.
- He has all the power.
- He’ll take the children.
- Sex isn’t that bad.
- I should be grateful, he comes home at night
But staying or going has to be your decision. We have to see what’s really important to you. This means looking at that elephant in the room. What’s real, what’s fantasy and what’s do able.
What’s really best for the children? Living with a couple who don’t love each other, are mean to each other, with little digs and barbs all the time. This has a horrible effect on our children. Kids always know: trust me.
Today versus 25 years ago: there were very few places for women to go and get help. Now there are ways to get an education. There are so many options today to help you in your decisions which are there to raise us up. If that’s what you choose to do.
If you choose to stay, how do you make it better? There’s a lot of ways and organizations to aid with your decisions. Including me.
There’s counseling for you and your partner, family. If your partner won’t go then you go by yourself and maybe take the children. You might involve yourself in outside communities to add more to your life so you can find who you are.
If you’re reading this, I’m sure your shaking your head. Even if you’re agreeing with what I’m saying “I could never do that” that’s what I said and that’s what I thought.
But I was wrong. I was dead wrong. I didn’t realize how many people knew I was unhappy. My marriage was not well, it was sick and I was the only one taking the medicine to make it better.
Yes, it was hard on my kids. Absolutely because they wanted their daddy and me to understand, but the point is what kind of life do I want for myself and my children? Whether you’re male or female, it takes some hard thinking and hard decisions but only we can make it ourselves.
There’s a lot of free advice out there and lot of people telling us “this is what I would do.” But you know unless they walked in our shoes or moccasins, high heels or loafers there’s no way they know. We all have dirty little secrets! All of us no matter what the outside picture looks like, it’s the “Perfect Little Family.”
Once you open up that closet and look at those perfect little families, you’ll find out they struggle with the same things we all have in some form or another.
I don’t have any advice, I can only share my experience and how I got through it. I did have a mentor and a therapist during different decisions in my life. I was talking and complaining and crying in my soup to my mentor. Not knowing what to do.
She said “ME, if you had enough money right now would you leave?” I said “you bet your sweet ass I would.” But I didn’t go for two more years then I made him leave.
I was working on my second divorce. I was ashamed, I felt like a failure. I had no value, what in the hell could I do? I was a high school graduate and that was it. I would never make it on my own and so I put up with a lot of shit. But that day everything changed. It didn’t matter if I had to sell everything it didn’t matter if I stayed in a rented room I was done I couldn’t go through it one more day.
Since I made that decision as hard as it was, my life did start to change for the better. Different opportunities opened up which I never dreamed of.
I do believe in a supreme being of some sorts I really don’t have an accurate name for it but I do believe I was guided. I open my life up to many other people. Things started to happen and I got placed in different positions and a new job was offered to me and I stayed there for 20 years making enough money to buy my own home with my own credit.
Anytime there’s a change, it’s hard. It’s so hard, and I’m not making light of it for telling you to run or stay. I’m just telling you are thousands of us women and men who have done it and lives are better.
Don’t be afraid; (easier said) you’re not alone. If you don’t have anyone to talk to you at this time, you’ve always got me. I’m here if you need anything because people and women were there for me. They guided me and kept encouraging me at my lowest times, and God knows I had them. We all have them.
I leave you with the one question which can be thought provoking!
“If this as good as it gets, is it good enough?”
I’m open for one on one life mentoring and accessible for seminars.
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